Letters from the Abyss — The Idiot

He understood at last why he shivered every time he thought of the three letters. He fell asleep without opening them. The sinful woman beckoned again. At last, almost in despair, he unfolded them. These letters, too, were like a dream. You remember how you escaped murderers by some ingenious stratagem, and how a murderer changed into a woman, and the woman into a dwarf, and you accepted it. When you wake you feel the vanished dream has carried some enigma you have failed to solve.

She calls him perfection. I would kiss your footprints if I could. Do not fear. I have not lowered you to my level. He spoke of you as of the light. I think of you and him as one. If I were to bring you to the most loathsome den you should not blush. I should represent Christ alone, one little child left with Him. The sun is setting. There you have my picture. I shall be near you all my life. I shall not live long. In the last letter she will not be thought to humiliate herself. Why do I wish to unite you two. For my own sake, naturally. I can see it every day in two dreadful eyes. In some box he has a razor hidden, tied round with silk. Somewhere beneath the floor there was hidden away some dreadful corpse, wrapped in oil-cloth. Our weddings will be on the same day. He has just burst out laughing, and says that I am raving. He knows I am writing to you.

He wanders the park for hours. He thinks it is quite early. He has forgotten his watch. He is close to their house. Alexandra comes in with a candle. Do you know what time it is. Half-past twelve. I thought it was half-past nine. Perhaps you were expected. On the road the woman steps out of the park. Are you happy. Say this one word. This is the last time I shall see you. Rogojin takes her arm. The carriage has been waiting since ten. She won't write to the girl any more. Tomorrow she will be off. You've read her letters, I suppose. You are thinking of the razor. Oh, she is mad. Who knows. Perhaps she is not so mad after all. Did you answer her question just now. Are you happy, or not. No, no, no. I never supposed you would say yes. He disappeared, without looking round again.