Father Païssy was not wrong when he decided that his dear boy would come back. It would be difficult, the narrator says, to give a clear account of that strange, vague moment in the life of the young hero he loves so much. To the sorrowful question, are you too with those of little faith, the answer is no. Quite the contrary. All his trouble came from the fact that he was of great faith. Even long afterwards, Alyosha thought of that day as one of the bitterest and most fatal of his life. All the love in his young heart for everyone and everything had, for the past year, been concentrated on one being, his beloved elder. He remembered afterwards that on that terrible day he had entirely forgotten his brother Dmitri, about whom he had been so anxious the day before. He had forgotten, too, to take the two hundred roubles to Ilusha's father, though he had meant to the preceding evening. It was not miracles he needed, but the higher justice, and that justice had been outraged. The man who should have been exalted above everyone in the world was suddenly degraded and dishonoured. What for? Who had judged him?
At dusk Rakitin found him face down under a pine. Have they been ill-treating you? Let me alone, Alyosha said, with a weary gesture, still looking away. So you can shout at people like other mortals, Rakitin said. That is a come-down from the angels. Alyosha was not rebelling against his God. He simply did not accept His world. Rakitin had sausage in his pocket, brought from the town in case of need, and he was sure the novice would not eat it. Give me some, Alyosha said. Rakitin called it a mutiny. He would not mind a drop of vodka himself. He was tired to death. One way or another, vodka or sausage, the chance must not be missed. Alyosha got up in silence and followed him.
On the way Rakitin kept talking, and then a new idea dawned on him. He was laughing outwardly, and he was afraid to utter it, so difficult he still found it to believe. Let's go to Grushenka, eh? Will you come? Let's go to Grushenka, Alyosha answered calmly, at once. The prompt and calm agreement was such a surprise that Rakitin almost started back. He was a practical person and never undertook anything without a prospect of gain for himself. He had not expected the saint to say yes.
Coming Up in Chapter 44
Grushenka is in the wooden lodge near the cathedral square, in the widow Morozov's courtyard. She has told Dmitri she will be late at Kuzma Kuzmitch's, counting his money. It is dark when Rakitin brings Alyosha in, and the rooms are not lighted. She is lying on the sofa.
