Just Indignation of a Hair-Dresser — Les Misérables

The worthy hair-dresser who had chased from his shop the two little fellows to whom Gavroche had opened the paternal interior of the elephant was at that moment in his shop engaged in shaving an old soldier of the legion who had served under the Empire. They were talking. The hair-dresser had, naturally, spoken to the veteran of the riot, then of General Lamarque, and from Lamarque they had passed to the Emperor. Thence sprang up a conversation between barber and soldier which might have been entitled: Dialogue between the razor and the sword. How did the Emperor ride? Badly. He did not know how to fall, so he never fell. Did he have fine horses? On the day when he gave me my cross, I noticed his beast. It was a racing mare, perfectly white. A pretty horse, remarked the hair-dresser. It was His Majesty's beast. The hair-dresser felt that after this observation a short silence would be fitting, so he conformed himself to it, and then went on. The Emperor was never wounded but once, was he? In the heel. At Ratisbon. I never saw him so well dressed as on that day. He was as neat as a new sou.

And you, Mr. Veteran, you must have been often wounded? I? said the soldier. Ah, not to amount to anything. At Marengo, two sabre-blows on the back of my neck, a bullet in the right arm at Austerlitz, another in the left hip at Jena. At Friedland, a thrust from a bayonet. At the Moskowa, seven or eight lance-thrusts, no matter where. At Lutzen a splinter of a shell crushed one of my fingers. And then at Waterloo, a ball in the thigh. That's all. How fine that is, exclaimed the hair-dresser, to die on the field of battle. On my word of honour, rather than die in bed, of an illness, slowly, a bit by bit each day, with drugs, cataplasms, syringes, medicines, I should prefer to receive a cannon-ball in my belly. You're not over fastidious, said the soldier.

He had hardly spoken when a fearful crash shook the shop. The show-window had suddenly been fractured. The wig-maker turned pale. Ah, good God, he exclaimed, it's one of them. What? A cannon-ball. Here it is, said the soldier. And he picked up something that was rolling about the floor. It was a pebble. The hair-dresser ran to the broken window and beheld Gavroche fleeing at the full speed, towards the Marche Saint-Jean. As he passed the hair-dresser's shop Gavroche, who had the two brats still in his mind, had not been able to resist the impulse to say good day to him, and had flung a stone through his panes. You see, shrieked the hair-dresser, who from white had turned blue, that fellow returns and does mischief for the pure pleasure of it. What has any one done to that gamin?