Chapter 71
Why We Want What We Can't Have
THAT OUR DESIRES ARE AUGMENTED BY DIFFICULTY There is no reason that has not its contrary, say the wisest of the philosophers. I was just now ruminating on the excellent saying one of the ancients alleges for the contempt of life: “No good can bring pleasure, unless it be that for the loss of which we are beforehand prepared.” “In aequo est dolor amissae rei, et timor amittendae,” [“The grief of losing a thing, and the fear of losing it, are equal.”--Seneca, Ep., 98.] meaning by this that the fruition of life cannot be truly pleasant to us if we…
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Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"our will is more obstinate by being opposed: “Si nunquam Danaen habuisset ahenea turris, Non esses, Danae, de Jove facta parens;” [“If a brazen tower had not held Danae, you would not, Danae, have been made a mother by Jove."
Context: Opposition sharpens want
Core mechanism.
In Today's Words:
Montaigne says our will grows more obstinate when it is opposed, as fire burns fiercer when cold mixes in. Restriction feeds appetite. Notice when your desire rises mainly because someone said no, not because you weighed what you actually want Ask what evidence you have beyond the first appetite and social pressure..
"satiety which proceeds from facility; nor anything that so much whets it as rarity and difficulty: “Omnium rerum voluptas ipso, quo debet fugare, periculo crescit."
Context: Ease kills taste
Flip side.
In Today's Words:
Montaigne says nothing is so contrary to our taste as satiety that comes from facility and easy access. Abundance breeds boredom. If you have stopped valuing what is always available, scarcity may be distorting your judgment rather than revealing truth Ask what evidence you have beyond the first appetite and social pressure..
"To forbid us anything is to make us have a mind to’t: “Nisi to servare puellam Incipis, incipiet desinere esse mea:” [“Unless you begin to guard your mistress, she will soon begin to be no longer mine."
Context: Prohibition tempts
Forbidden fruit.
In Today's Words:
Montaigne says to forbid us anything is to make us have a mind to it, while giving it wholly up breeds contempt. Rules can manufacture desire. Before you ban or gate something, ask whether you are protecting people or only sharpening their curiosity Ask what evidence you have beyond the first appetite and social pressure..
"defence allures attempt, and defiance provokes an enemy."
Context: Open house
Vulnerability as shield.
In Today's Words:
Montaigne says defence allures attempt and defiance provokes an enemy, which is why he left his house open through civil wars. Guarding can invite attack. Sometimes lowering the prize and removing drama protects you better than performing strength you cannot sustain Ask what evidence you have beyond the first appetite and social pressure..
Thematic Threads
Human Psychology
In This Chapter
Montaigne reveals how difficulty creates desire and ease breeds contempt across all human activities
Development
Builds on earlier psychological observations to show this as a fundamental human operating system
In Your Life:
You might notice wanting things more when they're hard to get and losing interest when they become routine.
Value Creation
In This Chapter
Shows how perceived worth comes from effort required rather than inherent qualities
Development
Expands understanding of how humans determine what matters to them
In Your Life:
You might realize you're paying premium prices for things that feel exclusive rather than actually superior.
Strategic Vulnerability
In This Chapter
Montaigne's undefended house becomes safer because it's less tempting to attack
Development
Introduced here as a counterintuitive survival strategy
In Your Life:
You might find that being too defensive or protective sometimes creates the problems you're trying to avoid.
Social Dynamics
In This Chapter
Romans valued foreign expertise over local knowledge, showing how distance creates authority
Development
Continues exploration of how perception shapes social reality
In Your Life:
You might notice giving more weight to advice from distant experts than local wisdom.
Relationship Patterns
In This Chapter
Easy divorce strengthened Roman marriages by requiring ongoing effort to maintain them
Development
Deepens understanding of how constraint and freedom interact in human bonds
In Your Life:
You might see how having options can make you less committed to what you already have.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
This is not a test. Five prompts guide you through the chapter, from how it opens to how it closes, so you notice context and rhythm rather than facts to memorize. Sit with each question in your own words. When you see "One way to read it," treat it as a starting point, not the only answer.
- 1
What does Montaigne's horse story illustrate about desire and familiarity?
analysis • surfaceOne way to read it
The old horse lost all interest in familiar mares but went wild with desire for strange ones passing by. Montaigne uses this to show how possession kills passion while distance inflames it.
- 2
Why does Montaigne think Roman marriages stayed strong despite easy divorce?
analysis • mediumOne way to read it
When divorce was freely available, spouses had to keep earning each other's love rather than taking it for granted. The possibility of loss made them value what they had.
- 3
Where do you see people wanting things more when they're harder to get?
application • mediumOne way to read it
Exclusive restaurants with long waits, limited edition products, or dating apps that make matches feel rare. The difficulty itself becomes part of the appeal and perceived value.
- 4
How might you apply Montaigne's undefended house strategy to a modern conflict?
application • deepOne way to read it
In workplace disputes, sometimes being completely transparent and non-defensive disarms attackers better than fighting back. The vulnerability removes the satisfaction of conquest.
- 5
What does this essay suggest about how humans assign value to experiences?
reflection • deepOne way to read it
We often value things not for their inherent worth but for their scarcity or the effort required to get them. Our minds confuse difficulty with importance, obstacle with opportunity.
Critical Thinking Exercise
Track Your Scarcity Responses
For the next week, notice when you want something more because it's hard to get, and when you lose interest because something becomes too easy. Keep a simple log: what you wanted, why it seemed valuable, and whether the difficulty was the real draw. Look for patterns in your own 'wanting what's hard to get' behavior.
Consider:
- •Pay attention to your gut reaction when someone is always available versus sometimes busy
- •Notice how your interest changes when a limited-time offer becomes permanent
- •Watch for moments when you chase something mainly because others want it too
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you got something you really wanted, then lost interest once you had it. What made it seem so valuable when it was out of reach? How might understanding this pattern change how you pursue goals or evaluate opportunities?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 72: The Hollow Chase for Glory
After desire sharpened by difficulty, Montaigne weighs glory itself. He will ask whether reputation is substance or only a name we mistake for worth, and why Epicurus still arranged feasts though he preached contempt for fame.
