Chapter 37
Why We Laugh and Cry Simultaneously
THAT WE LAUGH AND CRY FOR THE SAME THING When we read in history that Antigonus was very much displeased with his son for presenting him the head of King Pyrrhus his enemy, but newly slain fighting against him, and that seeing it, he wept; and that Rene, Duke of Lorraine, also lamented the death of Charles, Duke of Burgundy, whom he had himself defeated, and appeared in mourning at his funeral; and that in the battle of D’Auray (which Count Montfort obtained over Charles de Blois, his competitor for the duchy of Brittany), the conqueror meeting the dead body…
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Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"we must not presently cry out: “E cosi avven, the l’animo ciascuna Sua passion sotto ‘l contrario manto, Ricopre, con la vista or’chiara, or’bruna."
Context: Warning against quick cynicism
Resists easy masks.
In Today's Words:
After victors weep for enemies they killed, Montaigne says we must not presently cry out that every face is false. Grief and triumph can belong to the same hour. Before you call someone fake, ask whether you are demanding a simpler feeling than the moment allows.
"histories tell us that he turned away his face, as from a sad and unpleasing object."
Context: Caesar and Pompey's head
Grief survives rivalry.
In Today's Words:
When Pompey's head was brought to Caesar, histories say he turned away his face as from a sad and unpleasing object, not a trophy. Shared history outlasted civil war and long public partnership. Do not assume rivalry erased every bond just because the public story now says enemy.
"we see not only children, who innocently obey and follow nature, often laugh and cry at the same thing, but not one of us can boast, what journey soever he may have in hand that he has the most set his heart upon, but when he comes to part with his family and friends, he will find something that troubles him within; and though he refrain his tears yet he puts foot in the stirrup with a sad and cloudy countenance."
Context: Multiple passions in one soul
Complexity is natural.
In Today's Words:
Montaigne says we see children laugh and cry at the same thing because several passions share one soul and trade dominance quickly. Adults hide the mixture better, not erase it. If you feel glad and devastated together, that is not confusion; it is how minds actually work.
"he laments his brother: one part of his duty is performed; let us give him leave to perform the other."
Context: Timoleon after killing a tyrant
Duty and grief coexist.
In Today's Words:
Timoleon does not lament the tyrant or restored liberty after killing him; he laments his brother. A necessary act can still cost something personal and real that duty does not cancel. You can approve what had to be done and still grieve what it took from you.
Thematic Threads
Identity
In This Chapter
Montaigne reveals that our emotional identity is multifaceted rather than singular, challenging the idea that we must have consistent emotional responses to be authentic.
Development
Builds on earlier explorations of self-knowledge by showing that knowing yourself includes accepting your emotional contradictions.
In Your Life:
You might recognize this when you feel both proud and embarrassed about your background, or love your family while needing distance from them.
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Society expects simple, appropriate emotional responses, but human nature produces complex, contradictory feelings that don't fit social scripts.
Development
Continues the theme of questioning social norms by examining how emotional expectations limit authentic expression.
In Your Life:
You might notice pressure to feel only grateful for opportunities when you also feel overwhelmed, or only happy at celebrations when you're also sad.
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Accepting emotional complexity as natural rather than problematic represents a mature understanding of human psychology.
Development
Advances the growth theme by showing that wisdom includes embracing rather than simplifying our emotional experience.
In Your Life:
You might grow by stopping the internal fight against having mixed feelings about major life changes or relationships.
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Understanding that others also experience emotional contradictions creates space for more authentic and compassionate connections.
Development
Deepens relationship insights by showing how emotional complexity affects how we understand and relate to others.
In Your Life:
You might find more patience with family members when you recognize their contradictory feelings mirror your own internal experience.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
This is not a test. Five prompts guide you through the chapter, from how it opens to how it closes, so you notice context and rhythm rather than facts to memorize. Sit with each question in your own words. When you see "One way to read it," treat it as a starting point, not the only answer.
- 1
Why does Montaigne say Caesar wept when seeing Pompey's head, despite their rivalry?
analysis • surfaceOne way to read it
Caesar genuinely mourned their lost friendship and shared history in public affairs. Montaigne argues this wasn't fake grief but real sorrow for what they once had together.
- 2
How does Montaigne's comparison of emotions to bodily humors explain contradictory feelings?
analysis • mediumOne way to read it
Just as different humors compete for dominance in our bodies, multiple emotions exist simultaneously in our souls. One feeling may rule temporarily, but others can resurface quickly.
- 3
Where do you see people experiencing opposite emotions about the same event today?
application • mediumOne way to read it
Parents feel pride and sadness when children leave for college. Athletes cry after winning championships. People grieve at funerals while celebrating the person's life and legacy.
- 4
How would you apply Montaigne's insight when someone accuses you of being inconsistent emotionally?
application • deepOne way to read it
You could explain that feeling multiple things doesn't make you fake or confused. Like Montaigne's example of scolding then helping his servant, authentic emotions can shift rapidly.
- 5
What does Timoleon's grief over killing his tyrant brother reveal about moral complexity?
reflection • deepOne way to read it
Even necessary actions can produce genuine sorrow. Timoleon fulfilled his civic duty while mourning his personal loss, showing that moral clarity doesn't eliminate emotional complexity.
Critical Thinking Exercise
Map Your Emotional Complexity
Think of a current situation in your life that brings up mixed feelings - a relationship, job, family responsibility, or major decision. Draw a simple diagram with the situation in the center, then branch out all the different emotions you feel about it, even contradictory ones. Don't judge or try to resolve them - just map them out honestly.
Consider:
- •Include emotions that seem to contradict each other - they can both be true
- •Notice which emotions you've been trying to suppress or ignore
- •Consider how different aspects of the situation trigger different emotional responses
Journaling Prompt
Write about which of these emotions you've been most comfortable expressing to others, and which you've kept hidden. What would change if you allowed yourself to acknowledge the full range of your feelings about this situation?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 38: The Art of True Solitude
After mixed passions, Montaigne asks what real retreat requires. Ambition will flee the crowd yet keep its chains, and Stilpo will say nothing was lost though his city burned.
