Chapter 28
Love Letters from a Lost Friend
NINE AND TWENTY SONNETS OF ESTIENNE DE LA BOITIE TO MADAME DE GRAMMONT, COMTESSE DE GUISSEN. [They scarce contain anything but amorous complaints, expressed in a very rough style, discovering the follies and outrages of a restless passion, overgorged, as it were, with jealousies, fears and suspicions.--Coste.] [These....contained in the edition of 1588 nine-and-twenty sonnets of La Boetie, accompanied by a dedicatory epistle to Madame de Grammont. The former, which are referred to at the end of Chap. XXVIL, do not really belong to the book, and are of very slight interest at this time; the epistle is transferred to…
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Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"amorous complaints, expressed in a very rough style, discovering the follies and outrages of a restless passion, overgorged, as it were, with jealousies, fears and suspicions."
Context: Description of the sonnets
Youthful verse is passionate and rough.
In Today's Words:
The note on La Boétie's sonnets says they contain little but amorous complaints expressed in rough style. They show jealous, fearful, restless passion rather than polished art or mature judgment. That is often what early love poetry looks like before craft and judgment catch up with feeling.
"very rough style, discovering the follies and outrages of a restless passion, overgorged, as it were, with jealousies, fears and suspicions."
Context: Tone of the poems
Imperfection is visible.
In Today's Words:
Montaigne's source calls the sonnets a very rough style that exposes the follies of restless passion. They are not the work he would place beside the anti-tyranny treatise. Still, roughness can be evidence of a real person, not a reason to erase them from the record.
"very slight interest at this time; the epistle is transferred to the Correspondence."
Context: Why the sonnets are marginal
Literary value is low.
In Today's Words:
An editorial note says the sonnets are of very slight interest at this time. Montaigne keeps the reference without pretending they are major literature. You can preserve something because it mattered to a life, not because it wins a place on the shelf on its own.
"forward to friends or acquaintances."
Context: How Montaigne circulated copies
Preservation through sharing.
In Today's Words:
Montaigne had several copies of the sonnets written out to forward to friends or acquaintances. That is how private writing survives: someone chooses circulation over silence. If you inherit a friend's drafts, sharing them carefully with the right people can be an act of fidelity.
Thematic Threads
Friendship
In This Chapter
Montaigne honors his dead friend by preserving his imperfect poetry alongside his philosophy
Development
Deepens from earlier discussions of La Boétie to show how love transcends artistic judgment
In Your Life:
You might struggle with how much of a deceased friend's flaws to acknowledge when others want only praise.
Identity
In This Chapter
The sonnets reveal La Boétie as a passionate, flawed young man before he became Montaigne's intellectual equal
Development
Continues theme of multiple selves existing within one person
In Your Life:
You contain versions of yourself from different times that don't match your current identity.
Class
In This Chapter
Montaigne dedicates rough poems to aristocratic Madame de Grammont, mixing high and low culture
Development
Reinforces pattern of Montaigne crossing social boundaries through literature
In Your Life:
You might feel pressure to only share your 'best' work or thoughts with people you consider above your station.
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Love makes us curators of memory, choosing what pieces of people to preserve
Development
Expands from personal relationships to how we honor the dead
In Your Life:
You face choices about which stories to tell and which memories to keep alive when someone important dies.
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
The chapter shows how we can honor people by preserving their growth journey, not just their destination
Development
Builds on earlier themes about accepting human imperfection
In Your Life:
You might judge your past self harshly instead of seeing earlier versions as part of your complete story.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
This is not a test. Five prompts guide you through the chapter, from how it opens to how it closes, so you notice context and rhythm rather than facts to memorize. Sit with each question in your own words. When you see "One way to read it," treat it as a starting point, not the only answer.
- 1
Why does Montaigne publish La Boétie's flawed love sonnets despite calling them rough and full of jealous complaints?
analysis • surfaceOne way to read it
Montaigne preserves them because they're all he has left of his friend's voice, choosing authentic memory over polished reputation.
- 2
How does including imperfect poems alongside sophisticated essays demonstrate Montaigne's view of friendship and loss?
analysis • mediumOne way to read it
It shows that true friendship honors the whole person, flaws included, rather than creating sanitized monuments to the dead.
- 3
Where do you see people today choosing to preserve authentic but imperfect memories of loved ones?
application • mediumOne way to read it
Social media posts showing candid photos, keeping voicemails with poor audio quality, or sharing embarrassing but meaningful stories at funerals.
- 4
How would you decide what to preserve if tasked with curating a deceased friend's creative work?
application • deepOne way to read it
Like Montaigne, I might include pieces that reveal their authentic voice and humanity, even if technically flawed, to honor their complete self.
- 5
What does Montaigne's choice reveal about how grief shapes our role as keepers of memory?
reflection • deepOne way to read it
Grief transforms us into curators who must balance protecting someone's legacy with preserving their authentic, imperfect humanity.
Critical Thinking Exercise
Create a Real Person Memorial
Think of someone you've lost or someone important to you. Write two versions of how you'd remember them: first, a 'perfect' version that only mentions their best qualities and achievements. Then write a 'real' version that includes their quirks, flaws, and human contradictions alongside their good qualities. Notice which version feels more like the actual person you knew.
Consider:
- •Which version would help someone who never met them understand who they really were?
- •Which version honors their memory in a way that feels authentic to your relationship?
- •How does including imperfections actually make someone more memorable and loveable?
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when someone shared an imperfect but real memory of a person you both knew. How did that flawed detail make you feel closer to that person's memory rather than further away?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 29: The Dangerous Art of Going Too Far
Montaigne leaves La Boétie's love poetry for a harder virtue. He will ask how even goodness becomes vicious when we grasp it too violently and call excess wisdom.
