Emma Ch. 5: When Friends Disagree About Friends

Jane Austen

When Friends Disagree About Friends

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Summary

Mr. Knightley tells Mrs. Weston that Emma's close friendship with Harriet Smith is a bad thing. Neither girl will do the other any good. Mrs. Weston is surprised. She has watched the friendship with pleasure and thinks Emma will improve Harriet while Harriet gives Emma a new interest after losing Miss Taylor.

Knightley says Emma will not bend her fancy to good sense, and Harriet's ignorance will flatter Emma's pride every hour. Emma has been mistress of Hartfield since she was twelve and has had too little correction. Putting Harriet in this fine house may make her ashamed of her real home without giving her strength of mind. Mrs. Weston praises Emma's beauty and good qualities and says the friendship has given Emma fresh spirits. Knightley admits her looks but says her vanity runs another way and will be fed by Harriet's flattery.

They agree to stop quarreling before Christmas and not spread gossip that might worry Emma's sister Isabella. Knightley promises silence out of real concern and wonders what will become of Emma if she keeps arranging other people's lives. Mrs. Weston hopes love might do her good someday but keeps quiet her own hopes about Frank Churchill. Knightley changes the subject to the weather.

In this chapter: Terms Characters Key Quotes Modern Story

Why This Matters

Reading Friend Loyalty Types

Loyalty splits when one friend wants comfort and another wants correction. Knightley tells Mrs Weston that Harriet's ignorant admiration flatters Emma hourly while Hartfield will spoil Harriet for her real station.

Before you dismiss the critic in your circle, ask what harm they see that praise is hiding.

Coming Up in Chapter 6

Chapter VI finds Emma sure she has directed Harriet toward Elton: she praises his admiration, proposes Harriet's portrait, and Elton eagerly offers to carry the drawing to London for framing Emma is sure her matchmaking is working: Harriet notices Mr. Elton's good looks, and his warm praise of Harriet's improved manners convinces Emma he is falling in love..

Lesson

What this chapter proves — the pattern beneath the scene

In this chapter, the lesson is Taking Correction From People Who Know You — The Friend Who Will Not Flatter.

The card below names the pattern this chapter proves — carry it with you into Austen's Hartfield, the portrait sitting, the snowbound carriage, Box Hill, and Knightley's walk home.

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Taking Correction From People Who Know You

The Friend Who Will Not Flatter

Knightley tells Mrs. Weston the intimacy with Harriet is a bad thing: neither will do the other any good. Harriet's ignorance is hourly flattery. Mrs. Weston wants to defend Emma. The correction happens offstage first, to a person who might have stopped the friendship and does not. Love often protects the project instead of the judgment.

Key Insight

If your new intimacy never costs you a disagreement, ask what it is feeding. An honest friend will name the mirror that never argues, even when your allies want to keep you comfortable.

“Her ignorance is hourly flattery.”

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Original text

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Chapter 05

When Friends Disagree About Friends

“I do not know what your opinion may be, Mrs. Weston,” said Mr. Knightley, “of this great intimacy between Emma and Harriet Smith, but I think it a bad thing.” “A bad thing! Do you really think it a bad thing?—why so?” “I think they will neither of them do the other any good.” “You surprize me! Emma must do Harriet good: and by supplying her with a new object of interest, Harriet may be said to do Emma good. I have been seeing their intimacy with the greatest pleasure. How very differently we feel!—Not think they will do each…

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Critical Thinking Exercise

10 minutes

Map Your Support Network

Draw or list the people in your life who fill different roles: who tells you hard truths (your Knightleys), who offers unconditional support (your Mrs. Westons), and who just agrees with everything you say. Then think about which type of friend you are to others. Are there gaps in your network or patterns in how you show up for people?

Consider:

•Notice if you're missing either truth-tellers or supporters - both are necessary
•Consider whether you avoid people who challenge you or only seek out those who agree
•Think about whether you default to being supportive or challenging - and when each is most helpful

Journaling Prompt

Write about a time when someone loved you enough to tell you something you didn't want to hear. How did you react in the moment, and how do you feel about it now? What did you learn about yourself from that experience?

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When Friends Disagree About Friends

Summary