Chapter 41
It Seemed Right to Them
When any person does ill by you, or speaks ill of you, remember that he acts or speaks from an impression that it is right for him to do so. Now it is not possible that he should follow what appears right to you, but only what appears so to himself. Therefore, if he judges from false appearances, he is the person hurt, since he, too, is the person deceived. For if anyone takes a true proposition to be false, the proposition is not hurt, but only the man is deceived. Setting out, then, from these principles, you will meekly…
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Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"When any person does ill by you, or speaks ill of you, remember that he acts or speaks from an impression that it is right for him to do so."
Context: Opening rule when harm or ill speech arrives
Impression that it is right for him explains the act without endorsing it. They follow appearance, not your ledger of fairness.
In Today's Words:
When any person does ill by you or speaks ill of you, Epictetus says remember he acts from an impression that it is right for him to do so. The lobby insult, the county whisper, the board email: each issues from what seemed right inside their frame, not from a final verdict on your character.
"it is not possible that he should follow what appears right to you, but only what appears so to himself."
Context: Middle limit on expecting others to share your right-appearance
Not possible closes the fantasy of shared appearance. He follows his own right-seeming, which may be false without feeling false to him.
In Today's Words:
It is not possible that he should follow what appears right to you but only what appears so to himself, Epictetus adds. You cannot make your clarity their operating system. Expecting agreement on what right looks like before they speak is how reviling becomes your second injury after the first.
"For if anyone takes a true proposition to be false, the proposition is not hurt, but only the man is deceived."
Context: Middle analogy after false appearances hurt the judger
True proposition unhurt; deceived man hurt. Ill speech built on false appearance damages the speaker's relation to truth.
In Today's Words:
If anyone takes a true proposition to be false, Epictetus says, the proposition is not hurt but only the man is deceived. Your honest report stands whether the county calls it disloyal. The false appearance wounds the reviler's judgment; you guard assent so their deception does not become your panic.
"you will meekly bear with a person who reviles you, for you will say upon every occasion, “It seemed so to him.”"
Context: Closing phrase after the deception principles
Meekly bear with reviling paired with It seemed so to him. Bear means withhold matching rage; the phrase names their impression.
In Today's Words:
You will meekly bear with a person who reviles you, Epictetus closes, for you will say upon every occasion, It seemed so to him. Meekly bear is not inviting abuse; it is answering reviling without letting false appearance draft your reply. Ellen can leave the lobby steady: it seemed so to him, then duty.
Thematic Threads
Impression of Right for Him
In This Chapter
He acts or speaks from an impression that it is right for him to do so
Development
Introduced here as the opening mechanism for ill deeds and ill speech
In Your Life:
You might name the impression behind reviling before you treat the words as final truth about you
His Right-Appearance Only
In This Chapter
He cannot follow what appears right to you but only what appears so to himself
Development
Introduced here as the middle limit on shared judgment
In Your Life:
You might stop expecting your clarity to rewrite their mouth mid-insult
False Appearance Hurts Him
In This Chapter
If he judges from false appearances he is hurt and deceived; true proposition unhurt
Development
Introduced here as the reversal of who is damaged
In Your Life:
You might see county slander as their deception before you let it become your shame
It Seemed So to Him
In This Chapter
Meekly bear reviling and say upon every occasion, It seemed so to him
Development
Introduced here as the closing phrase and bearing practice
In Your Life:
You might leave the lobby with that sentence instead of matching your brother's volume
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
This is not a test. Five prompts guide you through the chapter, from how it opens to how it closes, so you notice context and rhythm rather than facts to memorize. Sit with each question in your own words. When you see "One way to read it," treat it as a starting point, not the only answer.
- 1
What does Epictetus mean when he says people act from 'what appears right to them'?
analysis • surfaceOne way to read it
Everyone acts based on their own judgment of what's right, not yours. They follow their impression of truth, even when it's wrong.
- 2
Why does Epictetus claim the person with false beliefs is hurt more than their target?
analysis • mediumOne way to read it
False beliefs damage the believer's judgment and character. Like taking truth for falsehood, the proposition isn't hurt but the person is deceived.
- 3
Where do you see people acting badly because 'it seemed right to them' today?
application • mediumOne way to read it
Road rage drivers think they're justified. Online critics believe they're defending truth. Both act from their impression of rightness.
- 4
How would you apply 'it seemed so to him' when facing harsh criticism at work?
application • deepOne way to read it
Remember your critic acts from their view of right. Don't let their false impression create inner turmoil. Respond to duty, not emotion.
- 5
What does this teaching reveal about our need to control others' opinions of us?
reflection • deepOne way to read it
We can't control what appears right to others, only our response. Trying to control their impressions creates the very suffering we seek to avoid.
Critical Thinking Exercise
Rewrite the Story from Their Perspective
Think of a recent situation where someone treated you poorly or unfairly. Write a short paragraph describing that same situation from their perspective—what pressures were they under, what seemed 'right' to them, what limited information were they working with? Don't excuse bad behavior, just try to understand their internal logic.
Consider:
- •What stresses or fears might have been driving their behavior?
- •What information did they have that you didn't, or vice versa?
- •How might their past experiences have shaped their reaction?
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you later realized you had misjudged someone's motives. What changed your perspective, and how did that shift affect your relationship with them?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 42: Two Handles for Every Problem
Every situation in life comes with two ways to handle it—one that will break you, and one that will help you carry the load. Epictetus reveals how to always grab the right handle, even when dealing with family members who drive you crazy.
