Chapter 25
The True Price of Social Status
Is anyone preferred before you at an entertainment, or in courtesies, or in confidential intercourse? If these things are good, you ought to rejoice that he has them; and if they are evil, do not be grieved that you have them not. And remember that you cannot be permitted to rival others in externals without using the same means to obtain them. For how can he who will not haunt the door of any man, will not attend him, will not praise him, have an equal share with him who does these things? You are unjust, then, and unreasonable if…
Public-domain chapter text, formatted for reading.
Master this chapter. Complete your experience
Purchase the complete book to access all chapters and support classic literature
Available in paperback, hardcover, and e-book formats
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"If these things are good, you ought to rejoice that he has them; and if they are evil, do not be grieved that you have them not."
Context: Opening reply when someone is preferred at entertainment, courtesies, or confidential talk
Good and evil settle the emotional response. Rejoice or release grief based on what externals actually are, not on rank envy alone.
In Today's Words:
When someone gets the invitation, courtesy, or private audience you wanted, Epictetus says check what those things are. If good, rejoice he has them. If evil, do not grieve you lack them. The sting often treats rank as proof you lost before asking whether the prize was worth wanting.
"You are unjust, then, and unreasonable if you are unwilling to pay the price for which these things are sold, and would have them for nothing."
Context: Middle charge after explaining you cannot rival externals without the same means
Unjust and unreasonable targets resentment without payment. Externals are sold; wanting them for nothing is the actual unfairness Epictetus names.
In Today's Words:
Epictetus calls it unjust to want social advantages for nothing while refusing their posted price. You cannot rival someone at the door, in attendance, and in praise without the same means. Resentment at their preference while keeping your obulus is not moral victory. It is asking for lettuce without paying.
"It is sold for praise; it is sold for attendance."
Context: Middle naming the currency for supper and social preference
Sold twice for emphasis: praise and attendance are the receipt, not hidden favors. Supper is the external; flattery and availability are the obulus.
In Today's Words:
The supper is sold for praise and sold for attendance, Epictetus says plainly. No mystery tariff hides behind the invitation list. County courtesies, private meetings, and seats near power cost steady deference and showing up on their terms. Once you read the receipt, you can decide consciously whether to pay or keep your coin.
"Yes, indeed, you have—not to praise him whom you do not like to praise; not to bear the insolence of his lackeys."
Context: Closing trade: what you keep when you skip the priced supper
In place of the supper is a double freedom: no forced praise, no lackeys' insolence. The obulus you kept buys silence and dignity.
In Today's Words:
You do have something in place of the supper, Epictetus says: not praising someone you dislike praising, and not bearing his lackeys' insolence. That is the obulus you kept. You missed the table and also missed performing warmth you do not feel while staff treat you like a petitioner.
Thematic Threads
Preferred Before You
In This Chapter
Is anyone preferred at entertainment, courtesies, or confidential intercourse; rejoice or do not grieve by good or evil
Development
Introduced here as the opening envy test before the price lesson
In Your Life:
You might pause before grieving a courtesy you never wanted to pay for on someone else's terms
Same Means Required
In This Chapter
You cannot rival others in externals without haunting doors, attending, and praising as they do
Development
Introduced here as the middle rule linking preference to method
In Your Life:
You might notice when you want equal share without equal deference at the power person's door
Lettuce and Obulus
In This Chapter
Supper sold for praise and attendance; pay the value or keep the coin you did not give
Development
Introduced here as the market analogy for social externals
In Your Life:
You might read an invitation list as a receipt instead of a verdict on your worth
In Place of Supper
In This Chapter
You have not to praise whom you dislike praising; not to bear lackeys' insolence
Development
Introduced here as the closing trade you actually made
In Your Life:
You might count dignity kept when you skip praise and staff condescension at funded tables
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
This is not a test. Five prompts guide you through the chapter, from how it opens to how it closes, so you notice context and rhythm rather than facts to memorize. Sit with each question in your own words. When you see "One way to read it," treat it as a starting point, not the only answer.
- 1
What does Epictetus mean when he says social advantages are 'sold for praise and attendance'?
analysis • surfaceOne way to read it
Social status requires specific behaviors like flattery and constant presence. Epictetus shows these aren't natural rights but transactions with clear costs.
- 2
Why does Epictetus argue that refusing to flatter others isn't unfair treatment?
analysis • mediumOne way to read it
You chose to keep your integrity instead of paying the social price. Like keeping your coin when someone else buys lettuce, you received what you valued most.
- 3
Where do you see people paying social prices for career advancement in today's workplace?
application • mediumOne way to read it
Office politics often reward those who attend every happy hour, praise the boss publicly, or stay late to be seen. The promotion goes to whoever pays the social cost.
- 4
How would you handle being excluded from a group that requires compromising your values?
application • deepOne way to read it
Recognize you're choosing your values over membership. Like Epictetus says, you keep something valuable: not praising what you don't respect or tolerating behavior you find wrong.
- 5
What does our pain over social exclusion reveal about what we truly value?
reflection • deepOne way to read it
The sting shows we want both integrity and acceptance without paying either price. Epictetus suggests examining whether we value the invitation more than our principles.
Critical Thinking Exercise
Price Tag Analysis
Think of a situation where someone else got something you wanted - a promotion, invitation, opportunity, or recognition. Write down what specific 'prices' that person likely paid that you chose not to pay. Then honestly assess: was your choice worth it?
Consider:
- •Consider both obvious prices (time, effort) and subtle ones (pride, authenticity, values)
- •Think about whether the person made conscious choices or unconscious ones
- •Reflect on what you protected by not paying those prices
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you consciously chose not to pay a social price. What did you gain by keeping your boundaries, and what did it cost you? Would you make the same choice again?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 26: The Double Standard of Grief
Next, Epictetus turns to an even harder truth: how we react when tragedy strikes others versus when it hits close to home. He'll show why our double standards about suffering reveal something crucial about human nature.
